Week 6 - Recovery period over

Having issues with the camera so I didn't get a photo taken this week.

So it's been six weeks and my disability period is over. Back to work. So not looking forward to it. Had some mis-communication about when I am supposed to start. The paperwork releasing me had different dates each time.

So this week I started biting my lower lip every time I ate. It was so swollen that the biting was becoming more frequent. Put a large wad of wax on my bottom teeth to stick my lip out and away from my teeth. Worked pretty well.

Chin still pretty numb. Right side of both lips also numb but at least they are tingling. Have shooting pains in my chin as well as the phantom itching that doesn't go away no matter where I scratch.

So after six weeks I still can't eat normally. Can't open my mouth wide enough to insert anything. Teeth still pretty sore trying to chew with the front teeth. Looking forward to being able to feel my face again...

Week 5 - Identity Crisis

So today I attended a good friends wedding. Was the first time many people got to see me with the new look....

So here is an issue I never expected...

I feel like a stranger in my own body. I look in the mirror and do not really recognize myself anymore. I can't really see what the "new" me looks like yet since the swelling is not gone yet and some bone needs to fill in. Also does not help that there are portions of my face I still can't feel. Try and kiss my boyfriend and it feels strange.

I warn all of you out there that if you are having this surgery or something similar, do not make other drastic changes. 3 days before my surgery I dyed my hair. The lady says this is my natural color according to my roots. However, for my entire life I have been a redhead. This is my "identity". Apparently that changed over the years and my natural color is a dark brown. This started the crisis. I have also been highlighting my hair for many years, so looking at this single tone of dark brown is throwing me off.

My whole life I wasn't able to close my lips and my upper lip was cherubic and heart shaped. Now with the surgery I can close them and the upper looks very different. When I smile I see 6 straight teeth not just the front 2. The right side looks puffier than the left. My chin is much larger than it was before and a different shape. Where they cut the bones in my jaw there is an indention. Behind it some swelling. There used to be a straight smooth line down my jaw. This is no more.

So on top of the new hair color and new face, I have lost about 12 lbs from the liquid diet and all. So even my body has changed. Boobs are smaller, thighs are smaller. Sounds great but it just adds to the differences. I went out and bought some dresses since I am thinner and since I normally don't wear dresses this adds to the strangeness.

So we have new hair color, new facial structure, numbness, new wardrobe....So why did I run out and cut my hair shorter? Everyone likes it. I can look in the mirror and see that I look very good. It feels like the "after" photos on one of those extreme makeover shows. Yes, looks nice...but....it's not ME! I have spent 30 years building one identity and now almost overnight there is this new person staring back at me in the mirror. Wonder if the people on those shows feel the same.

It's frustrating not being able to get back to normal. Part of my identity was my career and now being off for 8 weeks, even that is gone. Hopefully when I get back next week the rhythm of it all will help me get used to the change. Looking forward to the day when I can chew my food without so much thought and effort, kiss my love with no strangeness, and touch my chin and not feel like it is a strange object on my face.

Week 4 - Some semblance of normality

Saw Dr. Poor for my post-op follow up appointment. I took some photos of my xrays from before the surgery and after the surgery. You can tell which are the after ones because of the wires and other hardware. One photo is of the model they have in the office to show how they cut the jaw bone sideways not across the bone.

So had a couple more interviews this week. The 4 hour one was really hard. Pretty sore afterward. Brought some Ambesol with me to numb the sore spots. Almost done with the antibiotics. The swelling is mostly gone. Have to start stretching the muscles. Can't look up all the way since the muscles on my neck are stretched out. My tongue still won't stop pressing up against the roof of my mouth constantly. A little better but still annoying. Have to remember to put it down to allow the blood to flow.

The numbness is much better. I can feel about 90% of my right cheek. The left cheek is about 70% back to normal. My chin is much better. Still only about halfway there. The tingling is not so constant. Doesn't keep me up at night. My lips are about even with the feeling. They both are about 80% of normal. Still hard to give kisses. My gums are still numb. Starting to stimulate them more since they look very light pink.

The sutures are finally starting to dissolve. Seemed to take forever. Now I can move my lips and stuff without pulling on the sutures. Have some weird skin flaps sticking out. Not sure how they are going to heal. Not chewing on the back one as much.

So the 2 weeks of soft chew are done and I am slowly working in some real foods. Actually at at In&Out on Monday. Only ate the top bun with the cheese and meat. Tore it in little squares. had to check each fry and tear off the crunchy ends. Later that night I had some orange shrimp Chinese food. Can finally feel my teeth a bit so it's easier to chew.

Week 3 - Many steps forward, one back

So it's been 3 weeks since surgery and I have the wires off. I am now able to eat soft foods failry normally. By the end of the week I was able to get rid of the mirror. Can open my mouth much better. Still don't know if I have something on my chin so my boyfriend has to let me know. Getting feeling back in many areas. The tingling is much better. Still hurts to talk for long periods of time. My upper cheeks are not used to having braces so they are pretty raw.Had a 2 hour job interview and it wasn't too bad. Over the phone they didn't really notice anything wrong. Most of the swelling is gone so it's not too noticeable by strangers. Occasionally I can't get things out properly. I slur some words but I warned them up front so they wouldn't think its permanent.
So I did take one step back. I have an infection in my lower left jaw. Small acute area of swelling that is sensitive to touch. I was really tired all weekend because my body was trying to fight the infection. The antibiotics are odd. Have to take them every 4 hours and can't lie down for 30 minutes after. So when I get off track I have to wake up at odd hours of the night and sit up for a half hour. Not good for the sleep.

Looking forward to the day everything gets back to normal.